...or read the news. Or look at blogs. Or pin on Pinterest. I notice that if I start my day with other people's news--which is what I'm generally drawn to do--I don't do my own thing as much. Before the internet, I would turn on the Today Show. Off the internet, I also read magazines and currently have a stack of about 10 books on or near my nightstand.
I've always been an obsessive reader and a curious watcher of news.
People tell me all the time I should write more. I tell myself all the time, I wish I wrote more. And part of me does, indeed, wish that.
But I've long been better at input than output.
I adore studying and learning new things. A few years ago I took an entire year of herbal medicine classes. Then I took another six month course on herbs. I also took some weekend classes. I loved every minute of it. We spent time walking about in fields and on city sidewalks, identifying and learning about all kinds of medicinal uses for weeds and plants. We harvested some and made tinctures and salves and I felt a deep connection to the plant world when I did this. Loved it.
But am I an herbalist? Not really. I have bottles and jars of herbal remedies in cabinets throughout my house. And sometimes I distribute them for use, but I find that the actual practice of being an herbalist isn't that interesting to me. And I really don't care to go further in the field and learn anatomy and chemistry and all that.
What interested me most about herbs, what really got me excited, were the stories about the plants. The legends and myths and mysticism around the plant world. Maybe someday, I think, I'll use those stories in novels of my own. Or maybe not. Maybe I can just enjoy knowing them and telling them to my grandkids someday.
A few weeks ago I went to a talk hosted by the Minnesota Council for the Gifted and Talented. Wes Beach, founder of Beach High School in California, spoke about alternative paths to education and how to make self-directed learning work in the real world. I didn't need that for myself but was there for my kids. However, what he said about learning really spoke to me. Since leaving formal education, I have certainly become an autodidact (definition here), teaching myself new things all the time. The internet makes an autodidact's life absolutely dreamy, doesn't it?
But the one thing Mr. Beach said that really stood out to me was in answer to a question a parent asked: "how do I help my child find his passion?" Ah, the question of our time, right? And Wes's answer was right in line with what I have come to feel about this whole "finding your passion" thing. He said, basically, that not everyone finds their passion. That it's okay to never find your passion. And that everyone ends up making a life, step-by-step, whether or not they find their passion and/or live up to their "fullest potential".
You see, I have gotten really weary of this find your passion business. I have felt its burden for far, far too long. It's kind of like the idea of finding your "soul mate" and the question is, is there really just one soul mate for each person? Most of us can say, probably not. So maybe there is not one passion for each person either, right?
I used to think that by age 40, for sure, I'd have found my passion and be living my dream--and in American terms, making tons of money doing it. But wow, did that search for my passion become like a dead weight on my shoulders.
Along the way, I have discovered that I have a passion for raising my kids and being married to my husband. I have a passion for eating well and moving my body. I have a passion for learning, obviously. But whether I have a "calling" to write a novel, or be a Lutheran Pastor, or be an herbalist or a gardener, or do any type of job that's some kind of dream fit for me, is still up in the air and you know what, I have a good life even without any of those things.
Should I write more? Maybe. But I'm finding that a better question is, do I want to write today? Many days, not really. Today, yes, and here I am.
I've always been an obsessive reader and a curious watcher of news.
People tell me all the time I should write more. I tell myself all the time, I wish I wrote more. And part of me does, indeed, wish that.
But I've long been better at input than output.
I adore studying and learning new things. A few years ago I took an entire year of herbal medicine classes. Then I took another six month course on herbs. I also took some weekend classes. I loved every minute of it. We spent time walking about in fields and on city sidewalks, identifying and learning about all kinds of medicinal uses for weeds and plants. We harvested some and made tinctures and salves and I felt a deep connection to the plant world when I did this. Loved it.
But am I an herbalist? Not really. I have bottles and jars of herbal remedies in cabinets throughout my house. And sometimes I distribute them for use, but I find that the actual practice of being an herbalist isn't that interesting to me. And I really don't care to go further in the field and learn anatomy and chemistry and all that.
What interested me most about herbs, what really got me excited, were the stories about the plants. The legends and myths and mysticism around the plant world. Maybe someday, I think, I'll use those stories in novels of my own. Or maybe not. Maybe I can just enjoy knowing them and telling them to my grandkids someday.
A few weeks ago I went to a talk hosted by the Minnesota Council for the Gifted and Talented. Wes Beach, founder of Beach High School in California, spoke about alternative paths to education and how to make self-directed learning work in the real world. I didn't need that for myself but was there for my kids. However, what he said about learning really spoke to me. Since leaving formal education, I have certainly become an autodidact (definition here), teaching myself new things all the time. The internet makes an autodidact's life absolutely dreamy, doesn't it?
But the one thing Mr. Beach said that really stood out to me was in answer to a question a parent asked: "how do I help my child find his passion?" Ah, the question of our time, right? And Wes's answer was right in line with what I have come to feel about this whole "finding your passion" thing. He said, basically, that not everyone finds their passion. That it's okay to never find your passion. And that everyone ends up making a life, step-by-step, whether or not they find their passion and/or live up to their "fullest potential".
You see, I have gotten really weary of this find your passion business. I have felt its burden for far, far too long. It's kind of like the idea of finding your "soul mate" and the question is, is there really just one soul mate for each person? Most of us can say, probably not. So maybe there is not one passion for each person either, right?
I used to think that by age 40, for sure, I'd have found my passion and be living my dream--and in American terms, making tons of money doing it. But wow, did that search for my passion become like a dead weight on my shoulders.
Along the way, I have discovered that I have a passion for raising my kids and being married to my husband. I have a passion for eating well and moving my body. I have a passion for learning, obviously. But whether I have a "calling" to write a novel, or be a Lutheran Pastor, or be an herbalist or a gardener, or do any type of job that's some kind of dream fit for me, is still up in the air and you know what, I have a good life even without any of those things.
Should I write more? Maybe. But I'm finding that a better question is, do I want to write today? Many days, not really. Today, yes, and here I am.
Comments
I've always felt called to be a writer, and I constantly lament how little writing I actually do, but I'm discovering lately that I love reading and learning even more than I love writing. But what to do with all the knowledge??
I'm also intrigued by your thoughts on the "burden" of finding your passion. I'd never thought of it in those terms. I guess it is a pretty huge burden for a lot of people, isn't it? Thanks for the thought-provoking post.