A week ago Sarah at Clover Lane wrote this great blog post called I Don't Know How She Does It: The Real Truth and it really chimed with me. It's about blogging and how bloggers present themselves to the world and are seen by their readers as perfect and all-together and good at everything they do. I get that and why it's important to present the behind-the-scenes reality once in a while...who ever lives every day like their Christmas letters, after all?
But that the post was about making choices and saying "no" actually spoke a lot more to me than it did about blogging. I've been thinking about writing a post on why I'm (still) a stay-at-home-mom now that my kids are teen-agers, and really that choice, too, is all about saying no. And oh, I've had to say "no" to so many things but I am so, so happy I have!
Women get really defensive about their choices of whether to work outside the home while mothering, or whether to stay home with the kids. There probably isn't a more hot-button issue than this one. Lately a friend even has a theory. She's looking for work after 15 years being a mom at home, and it seems if she's applying to women she doesn't even get an interview and that men respect her choice to stay home way more than female bosses do. Her thinking is that if a woman were to ask in an interview why she stayed home, that woman gets way more defensive about her answers than men do, because the woman compares herself to the stay-at-home mom and feels like she didn't live up. This is just a theory in one person's head (as far as I know, haven't seen any studies about it), but male bosses don't seem to have this problem. I agree that this could be an issue.
Why are women so hard on each other? My thinking is thank goodness we have choices today. That's what feminism and women's liberation are about--no longer being put by society into a box regardless of who we really are and what we really want.
And whether you're a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home mom, or a work-outside-the-home mom, you've had to make TONS of choices and say "no" literally thousands of times. Every day, right? I'm not talking about saying no to your kids; that's just parenting. I'm talking about "no" to society, to yourself, to lots and lots of things.
Last week I was interviewed for an article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, about a little thing I organized in my town called a Cash Mob (I was inspired by an NPR story). The reporter and I had a nice conversation, and she asked of course what I did. I said I'm a stay-at-home mom (really, homemaker describes my job even better though). And she felt the need to ask what else I do, or what did I do BEFORE I did that. So I said I had been a student before becoming a mom and she put that in the article.
I did mention several other jobs I've had while being a SAHM--I owned a yarn shop for one year, I was a buyer at our natural foods co-op for a couple of years, I managed a J. Jill store part-time at the local mall for six months--but I barely count any of those jobs because they really just got in the way of what I really do and in the end I had to say "no" to all of them and quit.
But why did the reporter need to ask what else I did or what I did before? And why did I feel the need to justify why I was "still" a SAHM by saying I had a special needs child whom I homeschool part-time? It's our culture, which values work above people and relationships.
Next time I'll list my very own, very personal reasons why I'm a stay-at-home mom and why it makes perfect sense for me and my family. I have no indictment on or judgement for the choices other women have made. I only have my own story and hope that by telling it others can relate. I know I love to find kindred spirits, whether in real life or online. Next time!
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| My hearts |
But that the post was about making choices and saying "no" actually spoke a lot more to me than it did about blogging. I've been thinking about writing a post on why I'm (still) a stay-at-home-mom now that my kids are teen-agers, and really that choice, too, is all about saying no. And oh, I've had to say "no" to so many things but I am so, so happy I have!
Women get really defensive about their choices of whether to work outside the home while mothering, or whether to stay home with the kids. There probably isn't a more hot-button issue than this one. Lately a friend even has a theory. She's looking for work after 15 years being a mom at home, and it seems if she's applying to women she doesn't even get an interview and that men respect her choice to stay home way more than female bosses do. Her thinking is that if a woman were to ask in an interview why she stayed home, that woman gets way more defensive about her answers than men do, because the woman compares herself to the stay-at-home mom and feels like she didn't live up. This is just a theory in one person's head (as far as I know, haven't seen any studies about it), but male bosses don't seem to have this problem. I agree that this could be an issue.
Why are women so hard on each other? My thinking is thank goodness we have choices today. That's what feminism and women's liberation are about--no longer being put by society into a box regardless of who we really are and what we really want.
And whether you're a stay-at-home mom, a work-at-home mom, or a work-outside-the-home mom, you've had to make TONS of choices and say "no" literally thousands of times. Every day, right? I'm not talking about saying no to your kids; that's just parenting. I'm talking about "no" to society, to yourself, to lots and lots of things.
Last week I was interviewed for an article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune, about a little thing I organized in my town called a Cash Mob (I was inspired by an NPR story). The reporter and I had a nice conversation, and she asked of course what I did. I said I'm a stay-at-home mom (really, homemaker describes my job even better though). And she felt the need to ask what else I do, or what did I do BEFORE I did that. So I said I had been a student before becoming a mom and she put that in the article.
I did mention several other jobs I've had while being a SAHM--I owned a yarn shop for one year, I was a buyer at our natural foods co-op for a couple of years, I managed a J. Jill store part-time at the local mall for six months--but I barely count any of those jobs because they really just got in the way of what I really do and in the end I had to say "no" to all of them and quit.
But why did the reporter need to ask what else I did or what I did before? And why did I feel the need to justify why I was "still" a SAHM by saying I had a special needs child whom I homeschool part-time? It's our culture, which values work above people and relationships.
Next time I'll list my very own, very personal reasons why I'm a stay-at-home mom and why it makes perfect sense for me and my family. I have no indictment on or judgement for the choices other women have made. I only have my own story and hope that by telling it others can relate. I know I love to find kindred spirits, whether in real life or online. Next time!
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~Sharon